Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves? why do we feel this incessant need for everything to be done? for everything to be organised for everything to be perfect??

I get it, I want my house to be in order, I want to know where every penny goes, I want my children to look pressed, clean and smart every morning, I want the perfect self-care routine, I want the perfect healthy diet, I want my diary to be full of perfectly organised events, I want my life to be 100% together.

Truth is- unless I work myself into the ground, don’t sleep, seriously neglect one of these areas, I’m afraid it’s just not possible.

For the past three years life has been filled with many ups and downs, I would say it’s a good 5050 balance, so many wonderful memories and so many fantastic places visited, proud moments shared with my boys whether it be sporting events, school meetings, targets achieved, or simply the small moments that we share at home together.

That saying these momentous events have also been met with plenty of anguish, stress and sadness, and of course worry, the bane of my life! I wouldn’t describe myself as a particularly pessimistic person but in my mind I feel like I always have to prepare for something going wrong, if something’s going good I feel like I can’t allow myself to fully engage in that moment for fear it gets taken away from me (past experiences) I do feel somewhat that I’ve come on a significant amount in reducing these feelings ,I’m trying to have a more positive outlook whilst also allowing myself to believe that I deserve good things to happen, that being said I’ve also had to do a great deal of work on accepting that I cannot control the outcome of every situation.

So how do we manage the mental load? How do we find balance in the everyday?

I’m sat here writing this from the comfort of my bedroom the place I call my sanctuary, the place I can shut out my noisy boys from their banter with friends, competitiveness on the PlayStation or a football continuously hitting my fence, I sneak off with my glass of wine, get comfy on my linen sheets that don’t smell like boys! The washing up needs doing, the washing needs changing, the boys fresh bedding it needs to be put on, but do you know what? For the next hour or so I’m not doing it… it can wait.

I’ve been trying for many months to section off in my brain what is important and what is not so important, for someone who has always been very particular with their home and self-care I have learned to prioritise, I’m learning balance, I’m learning to let things go for the sake of my mental well-being.

Some days I am highly productive, my home feels like it’s 98% to the standard I would like it to be, I’ve been to work, taken the boys to their sporting events, filled in my paperwork for counselling clients I have the following day or filled out reports from a client that I’ve had previously, It may not sound a lot but add all this on top of managing a household alone with no village nearby (although I must add we have some fantastic supportive friends nearby)  but sometimes it can be a lot, it can be too much, it can make you shut the door of the bathroom just to get a breather and to be honest sometimes a little cry! I seem to be going through a period of these days quite a lot at the moment, although I can place blame on my health which is very up and down since having sepsis last summer, I’ve been left with a rubbish immune system that seems to be picking up every infection going at the moment! I think my longest stint without antibiotics since August is about four weeks! Anyway, what can we do to balance it all whilst taking care of ourselves in order to take care of the people around us? Well, I’m on a mission! I’m going to be focusing on different topics ranging from stress and anxiety, self-esteem, confidence to managing different areas of life whether that be relationships, self-care, parenthood, time management and health.